GO REST HIGH ON THAT MOUNTAIN

GO REST HIGH ON THAT MOUNTAIN

"I know your life on earth was troubled And only you could know the pain

You weren't afraid to face the devil You were no stranger to the rain

Go rest high on that mountain Son, your work on earth is done, Go to heaven a shoutin Love for the Father and the Son

Vince Gill wrote this song about his brother that passed away. It has always touched my heart, but never more than today.

Yesterday I came home for lunch and found my sweet brother John had passed away in his sleep. He was 42. It was the saddest day of my life.

John lived in pain for the last 20 plus years ever since a terrible motorcycle accident that cut off part of his foot. He also suffered from scoliosis that continued to curve his spine throughout his life. A staph infection about a year after the accident, caused his partial paralysis.

But none of this ever kept him from being the best part of our family. John was a good, decent man that only wanted to be loved and accepted and every member of our family cherished every moment we had with him. He was the center of our family, and he will forever be in my heart.

I'm happy for him because he's up there running now. He always wanted to run and pass the football and now I know that's exactly what he's doing.

I have never been more sad than I am right this minute. Losing John is the biggest loss in my life and I don't know what to do, think, feel. I want to scream, I wanna hit something, I wanna cry.

John thank you for being my brother, thank you for giving me 40 years with you and your unconditional love, thank you for coming to me in Tennessee and living with me. thank you for keeping all those crazy things we did a secret that only brothers could know about. Thank you for going to Wal Mart with me the day before Christmas at 6:30 in the morning, that was the best time, we laughed so much. Thank you John for sharing your love of music with me, thank you for loving me like nobody will ever love me again. John I sit here tonight crying every few minutes going through every emotion over and over again. I wasn't ready for you to go anywhere man, I wasn't ready.

John thank you for coming to Alaska to live with me for these last 5 months. You told me every other day how happy you were here and how peaceful life was since you moved here. That did my heart so good I hope you know that brother.

I am lonely without you. I am devastated that you were taken from me. I am angry that you had to suffer so. It was hard to see you in your torment and pain. But that's not how I will remember you

I will always remember you full of life and warmth and kindness. I will remember the laughter and the love. I will remember the precious time we shared. I will remember your vitality and your grace.

Your death left a gaping hole in my life. But hard as it is to be without you, I take comfort in the knowledge that you are at last in peace.

John I love you, I miss you terribly, but I know now you're no longer in pain, now your work on earth is done. I can't wait to see you again and I promise we'll pass that football for as long as you want. I love you Johnny, I love you.

SEAGULL

SEAGULL

"Seagull you fly.... across the horizon... into the misty morning sun"

Those are eleven of the most soothing words I've ever heard. Today I need soothing.

1974 Bad Company was huge! Songs like Bad Company, Cant Get Enough, Movin On & Rock Steady were anthems to a million kids and I was one of those kids. I was only 9 at the time, but my love for music was already there.

"Seagull" takes me away to someplace quiet and Lord knows we all need quiet sometime.

I remember when I was 4 or 5 and the babysitter would want us kids to take a nap. We all fought like hell, "why oh why must we take a nap? " Today I would give you a hundred bucks if I could take a nap.

Today I wanna be a seagull.

INTO THE MYSTIC

INTO THE MYSTIC

"Into The Mystic" by Van Morrison was one of the songs played at my wedding. That song describes the journey I'm on with my Lovely Wife Dora. In my life before this beautiful creature came into it, I stumbled through relationships like Chevy Chase in an old SNL skit.

At that time in my life, I had been single for several years and was not at all looking for anything that resembled a relationship, but I've heard that's when it happens.

I was living the good life...... or so I thought, in Yuma Arizona. I was in my early 30's, I was host of the Big & Wilde morning show for Yuma's Classic Rock 100.9 The Jet. I'm proud to say, we were the station to beat in the market at that time.

I never wore pants. Come on, it was the desert! I wore shorts, Hawaiian fat guy shirts and sandal's, plus my hair was half way down my back, I was living the life man.

Being single, on the radio has it's perks, let's just say I wasn't lonely. Their was ample opportunity for me to spend time in strip clubs, drinking myself silly in Mexico, running to Vegas or San Diego for a weekend, or spending time with women I really didn't know.

I rented an efficiency apartment that had no air conditioner, only a swamp cooler that was out of water for over 3 months one summer. I'd break out in a sweat walking to the bathroom, but I loved it. I had my own driveway from an alley road, I could pull my truck right up to the door. It was kinda like driving into the bat cave.

So here I am, living this cool desert rat lifestyle and boom! I meet this listener one morning at the radio station. Dora is her name. I had spoken with her a few times on the request line, this girl knew her classic rock music. She had also won a few contest and she was there one day picking up a prize when we met.

You know how when you meet someome and you know you will never be hanging out with them because your lifestyle would make them vomit, well that's how it was when I met Dora. She was a good person and I was the bad kid down the street that your Mom never wanted you to hang out with.

But lucky for me, she saw something in me I still haven't figured out.

We went for a drive one night just outside of town and found a nice spot to park, it was in the fall and the wind was blowing around in the night as we sat on the tailgate of my truck. Looking across the desert at night we could see the lights from the city, the radio was playing and we were sitting there holding hands and "Into the Mystic" came on the radio. At that moment I felt like a kid in grade school with my brand new girlfriend. I knew right there that I was on a journey with this beautiful woman and I never wanted to see it end.

It hasn't yet. Here we are still holding hands after nearly eight years. I still have to pinch myself sometime to make sure it's me, the guy lucky enough to be here with this lady. From the deserts of southwest Arizona to the life changing beauty of Anchorage Alaska I pray my wife and I will forever be on this journey into the mystic. By the way she has me wearing pants now.

Peace

I LIKE DREAMING

I LIKE DREAMING

"I Like Dreaming, cause dreaming can make you mine, I like holding you close, touching your skin, even if it's in my mind".

That was Kenny Nolan's only hit in the mid 70's. It meant more to me than you would ever imagine. First let me jump out here and say I love soft rock music, easy listening, 70's love songs, I guess you could say I'm a softy.

I was 12 yrs old in 77', the youngest of 4 boys living in a sleepy little Mississippi town. We lived in Cannonade apartments, the kid across the breeze-way from our apartment's name was "Bo Bo", he was 10 and we were pals. He'd come to my apartment on Wednesday nights to watch "Charlies Angels", because we both were madly in love with Farrah Fawcett Majors.

For me it was more than a crush, I was going through puberty and Farrah was the first woman that did it for me, if you know what I mean. I owned every photograph of this woman, I knew every bump, curve, curl of hair and shape of that damn poster! It was the picture that turned me into a boy on a mission.

The mission? I wanted to live with Farrah Fawcett Majors. I daydreamed of running away to Hollywood and finding Farrah's apartment door. Of course she had an apartment door, doesn't everyone? I just knew if she answered the door she would feel sorry for me, take me in and eventually I would see her naked and my life would be complete.

I saved my allowance for months on end to buy every Farrah item I could find. Posters, pillows, pillow cases, sheets, drinking cups and mugs, Tiger Beat magazines were my Playboy.... I was a sick little kid. I dreamed all the time about this woman.

I found out that her birthday was in February and I wanted to send her something nice. So in one of the Tiger Beat mags I found her fanmail address and had my Mom help me put a package together for the love of my young life.

I saw that she played tennis in several episodes of Charlies Angels and in many pictures I had on my wall, she was wearing tennis wear and I thought a new tennis racket and balls would be perfect. So I find the cheapest racket and balls at the Dollar store and asked my Mom to drive me to Cleggs Stereo city on the downtown square, I had one more present for her to buy, the 45 record of Kenny Nolan's " I Like Dreaming". This was our love song and I knew in my soul if she heard the words of this song she would understand how I felt and she would love me back.

I mailed the package to the address in late November 1977 and waited for her to call and tell me to come to Hollywood so I could live with her. I'm 43 years old now and I still haven't heard from Farrah.

I wonder sometime if she ever received my letter and gifts. I wonder sometime how many other pubescent males had the same dreams I had about her. I wonder if my life would had been different, if say for instance, I was infatuated with Kate Jackson. I guess I'll never know.

You know who I dream about now? Sara Evans....she's a country singer with very nice curves. I don't have any pictures of her on my wall, I've never seen her play tennis and I don't think my wife would like it too much if I told her I wanted to runaway to Nashville to live with Sara.

" I like dreaming...cause dreaming can make you mine....."

Peace,

JM

CHRISTMAS IN DIXIE

CHRISTMAS IN DIXIE

"Christmas in Dixie" by the group Alabama is my favorite Christmas song. I was 20 years old when it hit the airwaves. Hearing Randy Owen sing about life in the south during Christmas time made me feel proud. That song gave me chill bumps and still does. Even though I live on another planet called Alaska, I'm still a "good ole boy" from Kosciusko, Mississippi.

I was married to my high school sweetheart Bonnie Regina when that song was a hit. She was 4'11 and weighed 89lbs. I say that because I'm nearly 6'2 and at the time 250lbs. We were Mutt and Jeff. She was a pretty little girl, blonde hair and big green eyes. I was 15, she was 17 and we eloped with the help of my Dad.

The night she graduated from high school, she walked across the stage and picked up her diploma then walked out the back door and into the bed of my chevy luv pickup. I covered her with a quilt and drove away in the night heading for Jasper, Alabama. That was the closest place where you could be 15 years old and get married with a parents consent. My Dad, God rest his soul...was there to sign those papers for his baby son.

I know what you're thinking.... this has got to be the biggest hillbilly family on the planet and you may be half right, but another reason we did it that way is because her father had been sexually abusing her for the past 5 years and getting married was the only way we saw to break the ties that bind.

Her father hated me with a passion. In the 3 years Bonnie and I had snuck around to see one another, not once did he ever allow or approve of us being together. She had to be home by 10:00pm Friday and Saturday nights and was never allowed to talk on the phone or go anywhere during the week without her dad.

He was doing very bad things to her, it all started after her mother ran off with another man and left the kids with their father. He "replaced" his wife with his 12 year old daughter and I had to help her get away from the sadness.

We were happy I thought after 5 years of being together. I was working at night at a local radio station and going to barber college in the day time, just trying to build a life. I would come home after work at the radio station at 10:30pm and my friend Mike would be at the house, hanging out like we always had for the last 5 years or so. We'd sit around, smoke a little weed, watch a movie, whatever. We were great friends.

One day I'm at barber college and the phone rings, it's my brother John telling me I better come home fast! He said he drove by the house and saw Bonnie and Mike loading up our furniture in his truck and wasn't sure if I was moving or what. So I jump in my car and head the 25 miles down Highway 35 to Kosciusko.

Just as I pull up to the house I pass Mike's truck and see Bonnie scoot down in the seat so I wouldn't be able to see her. I'm confused. I pull in the driveway and walk in the house and it's empty.

Mike and Bonnie had been seeing one another while I was at work for 6 months and I never suspected a thing. She was gone.

From Christmas in Dixie to a young man's broken heart. I started to tell you what Christmas time meant to me as a southern boy when Alabama came out with that song and I ended up telling you how my first love ended. This just goes to prove that music can take you anywhere and sometimes to places you almost forgot. Thank you Alabama for taking me on a trip tonight, keeping my memories alive of my "Christmas in Dixie".

Merry Christmas

Joe

STAY FOREVER

STAY FOREVER

" Maybe I pray too much, maybe I'm wasting God's Time"

I sometime hear those words in my head. Their from a song by Hal Ketchum, one of the most talented people on this earth by the way. His songs are intelligent, spiritual, moving, and meaningful, he doesn't waste a word.

That line above is from the song "Stay Forever", a great love song. For some reason that line takes me far away from the story of the song to the story of my life.

I pray a couple of times a day, in my head, when I have a quiet moment. Always at night of course, as I close my eyes, I run the words of the Lords Prayer, the Serenity Prayer, and then my thoughts and thanks of the day through my head. I sometime even fall asleep saying my prayers.

Praying too much has entered my mind on occasion, I sometime have a thought of "what am I doing?" Is this just something we have been programmed to do over thousands of years to give us some sort of hope and solace before we inevitably die. Is their something more for us out there we can not see? Who am I to know? Who do I talk to in my head when I pray? Is it the image of the bearded man we have all seen in churches that we know as Jesus? Is it everything big and small, life and space? I cannot answer any of those questions and I know I will not find out the answer until I pass away from this life. I'm in no hurry by the way.

Am I "wasting God's time"? Another fine question I can't answer, but I would hope that my prayers are heard. I ask for peace, love, all the good things in this life and I have even asked for a pay raise. That's when I wonder if anyone's out there and if you're nuts. Anytime you ask God for a raise in pay you might want to re evaluate your life a little. By the way I haven't received that raise yet. I wonder what God would like us to talk to him about, if I find out I'll let you know.

Maybe I Pray too Much, Maybe I'm wasting God's Time. Great song, you should listen to it sometime, but once you hear that line, be careful....you might be adding to my blog pretty soon.


Spirits Talk, Kind Words Heal
People Pass Away, Easy Ain't That Easy
Destination Hard To Say

Good Night,

Joe